Sticks and Stones

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me." Have you ever heard children saying this? Or did you say it yourself when you were a kid? Many children have; I know I did when I was a child. It was a catch phrase we would often say when someone would call us a mean or ugly name we didn't like. Or we would call them another name, and this bantering would go back and forth, often escalating until someone got really hurt or some adult broke things up.

Things haven't changed much since we were kids. Children still say mean and cruel things to one another in order to establish who is right or better. Bullying today in school has become a big issue, because students often prey upon the smaller, younger or weaker students to the point of terrorizing them. Last month a small group of teenage bullies were responsible for a young girl committing suicide, because she was tormented by name calling. They are now being charged with second degree murder because of the death. (It's a sad world when this kind of stuff is still allowed to happen.)

When we become adults these childish actions should be gone, but not necessarily so; it's just that we become more sophisticated, or so we think; but is it really? The arguments between adults, friends, enemies, employees, bosses and spouses are really not that much different. And how about road rage? Some of the meanest words, gestures and accusations are still spoken. Most often the words are not true or at least to the degree spoken. But, they are meant to hurt, because someone was offended. Sometimes these situations occurred because one or more of satan's little buddies are putting thoughts, which are lies, in people's minds. And people usually believe them; such as, they don't appreciate you, or they're just taking you for granted, or they don't really care about or love you. All these evil thoughts come from the pit of hell through the spirits of bitterness, jealousy and hatred. These evil spirits, along with the spirit of contention, need to cast off and out of the room, house or wherever they gather. We must not allow them to get a stronghold in our hearts or minds. Satan wants to create division. God desires to see unity through LOVE and FORGIVENESS.

The expression people often say that is takes two to argue is not always true. In the Bible we see arguing, contention and blame from the beginning of time. Even Jesus had to deal with it. The Pharisees called Jesus a glutton, a drunkard, a devil, and a friend of sinners throughout his ministry. Jesus called them hypocrites and told his disciples that the Pharisees were nothing less than blind guides. And at the end of Jesus' ministry, he had a few more choice names: serpents, brood of vipers, whitewashed tombs, robbers, sons of satan and more. But only one man spoke the truth; the others lied.

As children and sons of God we need to be cautious of how we speak to others, also that our motives are pure. We should defend God's honor, the name of Jesus, the Body of Christ and the Holy Bible, and be less offended of names we are called. Just as Jesus overlooked them, we should overlook them. "And He was counted among the sinners." (Mark 15:28)

A number of years ago, someone called me "selfish." In fact they even added that I was the most selfish person they ever knew, because I wouldn't give to a certain person. I couldn't believe their accusation. I let it slide for the time being and said nothing more to them. But later that day I was still brooding over the accusation. That same year I had given away my car, a dozen of my paintings to different individuals, plus I had given my time and plenty of money. This person knew most of this, yet because I wouldn't give to a certain individual, I was called, "Selfish!"

That night I had a dream. In the dream I was sitting a few feet to the side of Jesus as he was speaking to a room filled with people. Then Jesus turned, looked at me and said, "How do you think I felt when I was counted among the sinners?" — end of the dream. I woke up pondering his words, and realized that he was referring to me being called selfish. Jesus had said, "How do you think I felt..." My situation wasn't any different than his. I was familiar with the passage and I got up and read it in my Bible. I realized that Jesus didn't try to defend himself, even though the words of the people and the Pharisees hurt him, he still loved and forgave them. I, too, needed to do the same. Today, I still forgive others just as Jesus did, saying, "Father forgive them for they don't know what they are doing [or saying]."

I still remember Jesus' face in my dream as he said those words to me. His face was full of love and compassion. This should be our attitude, even though it can be a challenge to forgive those who have hurt us. Yet it is absolutely necessary. We may have to do it again and again until we have his peace over the whole situation.

Note: Unlike the phrase, "sticks and stones...but names will never hurt me." The truth is, ugly and mean names do hurt and often can effect our emotions throughout our lifetime if we let them. Many adults and children have suffered verbal abuse, being repeatedly called—fat, ugly, stupid, lazy, good for nothing, jerk, whore, bitch and a whole lot of other offensive names. The names often come from loved ones, such as parents and spouses. Some have even shut themselves off from society because of such abuse.

If this has happened to you in the past or recently, you need to ask God to heal your wounds. Despite what people have said or done to you, you still need to forgive from your heart those who have hurt you. (In any disagreement a person should never attack another person's character, especially a child. Stay with the real issues or walk away from the confrontation and ask God what to do. Seek to restore through love.)

When I was a teenager, I was called "ugly" many times by a certain person, because I said some mean names to him when I was hurt. And other times certain remarks were said by others that reinforced the idea that I was ugly, to the point that I believed it. It wasn't until I was in my second year of college that I actually started to date because I didn't think any girl would want to go out with me. And the fear of being rejected was something I didn't want to hear. Finally one day I spoke this to my girlfriend and she laughed. She said, "You're not ugly at all, you're very handsome." That was nice to finally hear.

We should always try to speak kind and positive words of encouragement, because that is how God sees us and speaks to us. Yet we shouldn't look to others for our esteem or affirmation, but look only to God. We are what He says we are and we need to hold on to that despite what satan or others say. We should forgive other people and speak kindly of them and to pray for them, even blessing our enemies. Most of all we must remember that God loves us. Our strength, righteousness and our integrity comes from him. Don't let appearances or abilities or others be the standards to live life by. A faithful friend of God is far more important than anything else.

Love the Lord with all your heart and do (and say) unto others as you would have them do unto you. And you will be called sons of God.