SEX. The three letter word that seems to always get people's attention, especially men. Sex is on the mind of most men more often than many would care to admit. As for most women, although they enjoy sex, many prefer the relationship aspect more, with sex as a by-product. Women desire to be loved and talked with (communication), or so I'm told. Younger women often feel that the only way they can obtain a boyfriend or keep a boyfriend is by having sex with him. However (through good or bad experiences), people learn that having sex doesn't seem to satisfy the emptiness they feel inside them; and so they keep searching and hoping for answers—whether they think or believe that the answer is found in satisfying the heart's desire, having the ultimate orgasm, or maybe the perfect mate. Others simply settle for less, often wondering if that is all there is to love and sex.
The influence of Hollywood (movies, writers, producers, etc.) rarely portrays life as it really is or as it should be. They often choose to express their own fantasies, or the fantasies of many others. It seems that every year actors and actresses are being portrayed in more aggressive and seductive roles; they are leading people down a perverted and shallow road. Many men and women feel that they have to become what they have seen demonstrated by these young movie stars—what is being portrayed on the big screen or TV—if they want to be a real man or a real woman. (What happened to the real role models?)
Why do people have sex? Curiosity maybe? Because others do? The challenge or thrill of overcoming the fear of tasting forbidden fruit? Most would probably say that people have sex because its fun, and an expression of love and pleasure between two people. In the days in which we live, I believe it really has to do more with people's mindsets and their out of control hormones (lust), rather than true love. Often young people have sex because of peer pressure, or wanting to feel grown-up (they also exhibit this by smoking or drinking). Some consider virginity an old fashioned concept or a disease that needs to be cured (as soon as possible). Many have sex or continue to have sex, overlooking the problems and dangers that can occur—because it feels good (the same reason why some people get drunk). Movies portray having sex as common, perhaps as common as kissing or dating. Whatever the case may be, sex is being used today—by both genders—as a self-gratifying selfish act; this of course has very little or nothing to do with respect or true love. Another problem often portrayed through the entertainment world is that sex is being used as a form of power and control over other people, such as coercion, manipulation, or reward. Even the public school system takes a casual and careless attitude toward sex. Abstinence until marriage is seldom taught or only briefly discussed. After all, most public school teachers and much of society consider abstinence a religious concept or a foolish idea, only for those who are prudish.
How sad it is that something so beautiful as sex has become considered trite and almost meaningless. Some people have become like dogs in heat, turned loose in the neighborhood (studs or jocks seeking to score points). Others have been abused or raped. With little conscience or accountability for their actions, many end up in doctors' offices, or emotionally damaged. But sex was never meant to be used or viewed selfishly.
Every good gift is from God. And sex is a special gift that is meant to be intimate, private, enjoyed, cherished and experienced in the proper way, at the right time. Just as wedding rings are exchanged and worn in marriage as a symbol of agreement or covenant, so is sex meant to be a sealing or consummation of covenant agreement between a man and a woman. The two parties have agreed to become husband and wife. The ring is an outward sign of fidelity, and sexual intercourse is an inward sign. The shedding of blood that happens in a woman's body during first intercourse is meant as a sign of covenant.
Marriage is meant to be both physical and spiritual. Unfortunately many marriages are just physical. In a true marriage, two separate individuals have agreed to become one in thought, actions and dreams. The couple should desire to fulfill God's will and call on their lives, as one with Him, being led by His Spirit. But as we have seen, not all marriages are lived out that way.
Marriage is a covenant designed by God. In the beginning vows and promises were unnecessary, the integrity of a man and a woman's words were sufficient. The man was to leave his father and his mother and to be joined with, or intertwine with his wife as a merging of the two beings, becoming one in flesh, one in soul and one in spirit. Marriage is meant to be covenantal, based on agape love and not on emotions. ("I will..," not "I feel...") But, because of the fall of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, everything changed.
Most marriages today are based on emotions (goose bumps or tingles or human love, all of which have their limitations), with little knowledge of covenant and/or spiritual headship. Often in marriages we see either the man trying to dominate by force, or both parties trying to lead, or the woman actually taking control. Regardless of religious beliefs, there are many unhappy marriages; there are also many divorces. Emotions and feelings often change from day to day and over time, especially through trying circumstances. But a covenant marriage should be binding for life, overriding the emotions of life's trials, with Jesus leading the man, and the woman following her husband.
The purpose of sex has nothing to do with "making love." That expression is often a cheap term to cover up a lack of responsibility. Intercourse was meant for pleasure and for having children, sowing and reaping, and as the overflow or fruit of love. It should never be withheld from the spouse, except by mutual agreement. Love is all about forgiveness, and "making up" can by fun (restoration). However, sex should never be forced on another. Feelings and rights should be put aside as love is allowed to rule our hearts. God's love is unconditional.
However, we need to "consider the costs" or the sacrifices involved when thinking about marriage, or of becoming a Christian. Don't you agree? That is what the Word of God teaches; the Bible is God's testimony and instruction manual for life, and for the believer's marriage to Jesus. There is a price to be paid in all relationships. The price is called sacrifice, preferring others, and yielding one's rights.
Marriage is also the natural picture of a relationship that we can have with Jesus Christ. When we ask Jesus into our heart, and ask him to save us from our sins, he becomes our Lord and our savior. We were created to worship and to walk with Him. Things are meant to change and should be expected to change from that time on, just like in an earthly marriage. Jesus has now become our spiritual husband and we his spiritual bride (because we are primarily spiritual beings, whether we realize it or not). Everything we have now and will have in the future becomes Jesus' property, to do with as he deems necessary. He is now our leader, and we are to follow and obey his every word because we love and trust him (this is a learning process that takes time, yet he is very patient). We give up our name and take his name (Christ-ian, disciple of Jesus, sons of God) But, not only in title but in our actions. We do this willingly because he loves us so much and we love and trust him in return.
What a joy it is to hear Jesus whisper in our ears—sharing his plans and dreams. One will learn that his plans are much greater than anything we could have imagined. At times you can feel the warmth of His presence around you and it almost takes your breath away. Other times you can feel his breath as he kisses your tears of joy or of sorrow. You will come to know true passion, sometimes it is exciting, other times it can be messy. Just like in all marriages, there will be times when you cry and other times you are angry, but he doesn't mind. He knows the cross he asked you to carry can be very heavy and painful. And through those hard times you learn to trust and thank him, because he is faithful. In the end you will count it all joy, because of his love and faithfulness.
Like most marriages, when two people live together you learn more about each other. Jesus is not only our lover but our best friend. He knows everything about us, all of our strong points and all our weak ones. Now we have a lifetime to learn about Him and he has a lot of special secrets he desires to share with us. He will keep no record of our mistakes or failings (now that what I call love!). Even when we doubt him or question his love, He promises to be near us and never leave us regardless of the situation. There is nothing we can do to earn his love; all he asks is that we trust and obey him back. And we will be thanking him for all his goodness to us.
Our relationship with Him has become a divine romance that we will cherish and enjoy throughout eternity—something no earthly marriage can offer. This is the only relationship that will satisfy our deepest longing and desire, that nothing else will be able to fill other than Jesus Christ. With his name and his authority given to us, all the covenant promises are awaiting fulfillment (Gen. 12: 1-3), and all our needs are fulfilled just for the asking and just for the receiving. His plans and desires for us are to work together as spiritual husband and wife, along with others like us, to build and establish the Kingdom of God on earth—both now and for the generations to come. What incredible joy we experience in working together with the Lord. All of this happens not because of our love for him, but because of His awesome love for us.
Note — One should never be jealous in any relationship, because Jesus Christ is our true husband and friend. Regardless of our past exploits or relationships, we have all become virgins in the sight of the Lord Jesus—all because of his incredible forgiveness. He has erased all our past, present and future sins through faith and everything has become new. If you would like to read a great love story, read the Bible's Song of Songs. It's a picture (an allegory) of our marriage to Christ. Also read, 1 Cor. 13; it's the Love Chapter of the Bible.
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